Item from the Smart
Marriages Archive, reproduced in the Divorce Statistics
Collection
Thursday, May 4, 2000
The Detroit News
Marriage policies cause community controversy
By Kara G. Morrison / The Detroit News
Bill Hardiman was reluctant when a psychiatrist asked him to support a
community marriage policy in his Grand Rapids suburb.
"I thought they wanted us to pass some local ordinance, and I just
wasn't
interested in that," says the Kentwood mayor.
As he listened, however, Hardiman started drawing parallels to his own
life about the importance of marriage. Of his eight siblings raised by
their divorced mother, he says only two have sustained lasting first
marriages. Hardiman divorced his first wife, and he notes their son has
been in and out of jail on weapons and drug charges.
"This issue of strengthening marriages is really important to me; it's
not a political issue," he says.
Michigan officials like Hardiman, Lenawee County's Jim Sheridan and
Detroit's Helen Brown are bringing the marriage movement into the public
forum, beyond just the religious community. They argue society bears the
problems when American families breakdown.
Critics of community marriage policies say marriage is not the
government's business. They consider the movement an organized backlash
against single parents or a conservative effort to link church and state
or even to keep women in the home.
Some also object to one condition of such policies that urges religious
leaders to refuse to marry co-habiting couples.
In Wisconsin, the Freedom From Religion Foundation recently sued state
officials for using federal money to hire a coordinator to help clergy
establish marriage education programs.
"The government should not be involved in setting standards for
marriage," says Dan Barker, spokesman for the Wisconsin-based foundation.
"The whole purpose behind this is religious."
Hardiman insists the goal is merely to prop up marriage as a revered
institution. He has been married to his current wife, Clova, for 26
years. He has raised private money to help support the 3-year-old
Greater Grand Rapids Community Marriage Policy. Periodic advertisements
in the local newspaper alert couples to marriage seminars and explain why
strong marriages bolster communities.
The mayor has high hopes: In seven years, Hardiman expects to reduce
Kentwood's divorce rate and the number of children born to single parents
by 25 percent. "Hopefully, we're in this for the long run," he
says.
Despite criticism from the Freedom From Religion Foundation, Lenawee
County Judge Jim Sheridan won't budge from his position that marriage
directly impacts taxpayers.
He was the first judge in the nation to persuade all judges, magistrates
and most clergy in his county to require premarriage education before a
wedding ceremony is performed.
Four years ago, Sheridan was in the audience when Maryland-based marriage
activist Mike McManus -- who pioneered the community marriage policy
concept -- harangued clergy about creating marriages rather than
weddings. "Too many churches are marriage factories and blessing
machines," McManus says.
He struck a nerve with the judge, who can still recall one of the first
weddings he performed in 1979: As the bride paced, the bridegroom
staggered through the door 30 minutes late, wearing a muscle shirt and
jeans. He'd overslept because of a wild bachelor party.
"I went ahead and very dutifully did my job," Sheridan recalls.
"As I
started thinking of the social cost of divorce, it's enormous."
Quoting University of Chicago sociologist Linda Waite, he cites
statistics that show divorced people have more alcohol-related problems.
He points to studies showing family breakdown as a leading cause of youth
violence and gangs. He holds up graphics showing married people have
dramatically higher per-capita incomes and life expectancies.
Since the premarriage education requirement went into effect in 1997,
Lenawee County's divorce rate has dropped slightly. Five years ago,
magistrates in what Sheridan calls "quickie weddings" married
98 couples
in Lenawee County. Last year, zero.
He grins, recalling one story he says gives him hope.
In September, after sentencing a man on domestic violence charges,
Sheridan noticed the man lived in Adrian, but was married across the
county line. The man sheepishly admitted he got married in a neighboring
county to avoid the premarriage education requirement.
"I guess I shot myself in the foot -- maybe both feet," he told
the
judge. Wayne County Circuit Judge Helen Brown would like to mirror
Sheridan's policy, getting Detroit's judges to set similar standards
before performing marriage ceremonies.
"It's just appalling the number of people coming to get a divorce,
and
the sadness and the tragedy," says Brown, who has put together the
Coalition for Family Preservation in Metro Detroit.
Since she moved from criminal to family court in 1997, Brown has been
shocked by the number of couples intent on letting a stranger decide the
fate of their children -- from custody to visitation.
She's working first with religious leaders on a community marriage
policy. They're establishing guidelines for clergy, including a suggested
waiting period and premarriage education.
The Detroit judge, like Sheridan, is also interested in changing the
state's divorce mediation process. She wants it to suggest options
including reconciliation.
"People are really not equipped to deal with marriage in our culture,"
says Brown, who is single.
"Kids don't know how to resolve conflict and communicate properly.
Marital education is the key to it all."
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