Item from the Smart
Marriages Archive, reproduced in the Divorce Statistics
Collection
SALT LAKE CITY -- Utah's marriage conference this weekend was a lot
about
holding hands.
In one packed room, Joy Lundberg patted her husband, Gary, kindly on the
arm and recalled the day they fell in love, holding hands in a
movie theater. Her message was simple: People don't fall out of love;
they just forget how to love.
Later, Gov. Mike Leavitt and his wife, Jackie, met the 1,000 or so
participants hand-in-hand. High-school sweethearts, they've been
married for 25 years, have five children, and still take neighborhood
walks together.
The strength of their relationship is a point of pride for Governor
Leavitt. For as the nation struggles with news of its president's
personal
life, Leavitt has been using his own to focus his state's attention on
marriage and morality. And his decision to put marriage near the top of
his political agenda - through events such as Friday's conference - is a
unique attempt to use state resources to keep couples together and
happy, rather than simply concentrating on divorce.
A national focus on family has prompted Louisiana, Arizona, and soon
possibly Texas to offer covenant marriages, making divorce much
more difficult. Other states are considering rescinding no-fault divorce
laws to stem the tide of easy divorce. Yet many experts say Leavitt's
different approach in this predominantly Mormon, family-oriented state
may be an example of how states can target the cause of family
problems instead of just dealing with their effects.
"Many states are making divorces more difficult," says Nicholas
Wolfinger, an assistant professor in the Department of Family and
Consumer Studies at the University of Utah. But "it doesn't make sense
to
make it harder to get out of a bad marriage.... [The problem]
needs to be addressed by social policies."
To this end, Leavitt announced on Friday the formation of a Marriage
Commission - the first such state-sponsored group to look at turning
marriage-strengthening practices into public policy initiatives.
Elsewhere at the fifth annual conference, called GIFT - the Governor's
Initiative on Families Today - couples talked about more personal
topics such as overcoming depression and building stronger stepfamilies.
Down the hall from the Lundbergs, Brent Barlow, an author and
founder of Marriage Advocates of America, exhorted his audience to
practice "fast-food communication": Listen to what your partners
want,
and don't try to talk them out of a greasy Big Mac for their own good.
While most Utahns may agree with the motives behind the governor's
initiative, the idea of spending public money for social engineering
still rankles some. But in this staunchly Republican state where citizens
adopt a "less is more" approach to government, Leavitt defends
his
conference as a sound financial investment.
In Utah, divorce and its financial stresses account for 75 percent to 80
percent of the people on welfare rolls. And with a 1994 divorce rate of
4.7 per 1,000 - slightly higher than the national average - Leavitt notes
that a huge number of abuse cases arise from dysfunctional families.
His approach - which includes the marriage conference and commission - is
to get at the root of the problem, he says.
Proclaiming the "economics of goodness," he maintains that "there
is an
economic equation driven by people keeping their responsibilities
and practicing a set of values that will produce a long-term positive
social result. Marriage is one of those.... It's about a three-way
commitment between a man, a woman, and society."
"Government is formed to take care of the places where people fail,"
Leavitt adds. "We collectively as taxpayers end up paying when
marriages fail."
Utah taxpayers this year spent $150,000 of the $210,000 it took to put on
the marriage conference, which has grown substantially from a
few couples meeting in the conference center lobby. Now couples pay $35
for two hours of workshops, dinner, dancing till midnight - and
of course, holding hands.
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