Item from the Smart Marriages Archive, reproduced in the Divorce Statistics Collection
The Philadelphia Inquirer

December 20, 1999 For children of divorce

More counties should reach out to those going through the trauma of a
family breakup.

Far from joy and celebration, tension can mark the holidays for families
of divorce. Who gets the kids on Christmas Eve? Who takes Christmas Day?

The children are caught in the middle, conflicted and frightened,
especially when the dispute ends up in court.

That's why New Jersey needs more programs like Cumberland County's Kids
Count, which helps children express their feelings about divorce and
encourages parents to resolve their differences through mediation.

State law requires all parents who file for divorce - or file a custody
complaint - to attend a workshop to learn about court procedure and the
decisions ahead of them. Their children, however, are largely left
wondering what's going on behind closed doors.

Cumberland County Judge Joseph P. Testa and court mediator Pamela Homan
were seeking to demystify "court" and give children a voice when they
started Kids Count in 1997. The program, which costs about $3,000 a year,
is paid for by state grants and bar association donations. More than 250
children have participated.

"It's designed to give the child the ability to speak to us," Judge Testa
says. "And to help parents keep from losing focus on the most important
person in their lives."

The program tries to intervene as soon as divorces are filed - "before
battle lines are drawn," Judge Testa says. Every six weeks or so, the
judge gathers families involved in pending cases in his courtroom. The
children, ages 5 to 15, sit at the lawyer's tables and in the jury box.
He answers their questions about how the court works.

"I tell them I'm trying to solve a puzzle, and the puzzle is their
lives," Judge Testa says. "I have to decide where they will live and
where they will go to school."

Then the children are split into two age groups and work with Ms. Homan
and a volunteer, who tease out their feelings through games, discussion,
art therapy and letters to their parents.

"Dear Mom," a 13-year-old wrote, "I am a little confused on how I feel,
but I'm happy that you aren't together to fight. I'm also sad, though,
that you split up."

The artwork and letters are shared with parents through their attorneys,
and Judge Testa uses them to encourage parents to stay focused on the
children as they resolve their differences.

Some children are reluctant to take part initially, Ms. Homan says, but
in the end, most say they are glad they came. They benefit most from
sharing with other children in the same situation.

Since Kids Count started, Judge Testa has not had to try a custody case
to conclusion. He sees great potential in reducing caseload. When a judge
decides a case, the parents often return to court because someone is
unhappy. When parents work it out themselves, they are less likely to be
back.

Kids Count is expanding to Gloucester and Salem Counties, where Judge
Testa became presiding family court judge in September. In Passaic
County, Judge Michael K. Diamond, who shows parents a film called
"Children: The Experts on Divorce," will hold his first Kids Count
session next month.

Camden County has a slightly different program called My Family Has
Changed. Run by mental-health professionals associated with Virtua
Health, it is a three-hour workshop that also incorporates games, art
therapy and discussion. About 350 children have participated since 1996.

Unlike Kids Count, however, My Family Has Changed isn't used in resolving
litigation, even though it's funded with the court's budget. It's
strictly to help children sort through feelings, and all discussion is
kept confidential.

There are 55,000 divorces in New Jersey each year, two-thirds involving
children. More of them deserve the kind of help offered by these
programs.

The state Supreme Court should expand its rules requiring education for
parents in divorce and custody case to include children. Startup costs
are estimated at just $150,000 statewide. It's a small price for easing
the way for children at a troubled time.


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