Item from the Smart Marriages Archive, reproduced in the Divorce Statistics Collection

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People in 20s have dual minds on sex
Casual before marriage, but not after
By Cheryl Wetzstein
THE WASHINGTON TIMES
June 8, 2000
Young men and women say they want to find soul mates and lasting
marriages, but when they date, they look for fun, casual sex and
``low-commitment''
relationships, says a report released today.
This dating culture of ``sex without strings and relationships
without rings'' is fueling suspicion, fear and pessimism among many men
and women,
says David Popenoe, who runs the National Marriage Project with Barbara
Dafoe Whitehead at Rutgers University.
Although young people ``expect their future marriages to last a
lifetime and to fulfill their deepest emotional and spiritual needs, they
are
involved in a mating culture that may make it more difficult to achieve
these lofty
goals,'' says Mrs. Whitehead.
Last year the two researchers interviewed more than 100 single
adults, ages 21 to 29, who were not in college, about their views on
dating, mate
selection, cohabiting and marriage.
Mr. Popenoe and Mrs. Whitehead published their findings, which are
too small to be statistically representative, in ``The State of Our
Unions 2000:
The Social Health of Marriage in America'' report, which is on their Web
site
(http://marriage.rutgers.edu) today.
They found evidence that young adults are likely to:

- Favor cohabiting before marriage or as an alternative to marriage.

- List ``fear of divorce'' as a key reason for living together or
postponing
marriage.

- Idealize marriage, but also view marriage as something that is hard
and often difficult.

- See marriage as an economic liability, due to the high rate of
divorce, rather than as a way to prosper economically.

- Support marriage preparation and relationship education as an
effective way to prevent divorce and unhappy marriages.

- See marriage as a couple's relationship designed for intimacy and
love, rather than as an institution designed for parenthood and
child-rearing.

The researchers said young men and women enter their 20s with
virtually identical goals: to become financially independent and stay
single for a
while.
By the time the young adults reach their late 20s, however, a gender
gap appears: The men are unwilling to give up their independent, carefree
lifestyles and believe they can still marry ``later.''
Women, who are ready to settle down, are more serious about marriage
but are ``disenchanted'' with their choice of mates.
``The men aren't there,'' was a common refrain among women. Nearly
half said they would even consider having a child out of wedlock ``if
they reach
their 30s and can't find a suitable mate,'' said the study.
It's too early to tell what the current trends in dating, casual sex
and cohabiting will do to the institution of marriage, says Mr. Popenoe
and
Mrs.
Whitehead. Marriage, they add, is the historically central vehicle to
raise children, reliably attach fathers to children, and bring emotional
and
economic health to men, women and children.
``Unless today's mating culture is changed,'' they write, ``it may
prove difficult to strengthen marriage.''
Two ways to change the culture are a broad-based public education
campaign about what helps or hinders marriage. The other is to activate
parents to
talk about the merits of marriage with their children.
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