Item from the Smart
Marriages Archive, reproduced in the Divorce Statistics
Collection
Weston course helps couples improve bonds
BY LISA ALLEN
Special to The Miami Herald
Why did therapists, educators, a reverend and a variety of couples who
want
to improve their relationships converge on a home in Weston's Tequesta
area
last week?
They all attended a four-day intensive counseling course called Practical
Application of Intimate Relationship Skills, also known as PAIRS.
The counseling course was run by family therapist Lori Gordon of Weston,
who
has written such books as Passage to Intimacy, Love Knots and If You
Really
Loved Me.
Some couples who were taking the course wanted to prevent their marriages
from ending in divorce, others wanted to consider remarrying the partner
they had divorced, and still others just wanted to improve their
relationship and communication skills.
Some came to learn how to teach the course or to incorporate the program
into their own psychotherapy practice.
The four-day course cost $980 per couple.
"Part of the PAIRS experience has to do with the group process. Couples
need to learn they are not alone in their problems - it's a universal
issue," said Gordon, 70. "During every program, we like to hold
a little
get-together and give participants a chance to get to know each other more
deeply."
Kelly Vick, a psychologist from Missouri, attended the course with her
husband, Paul, a psychiatrist. They hope to incorporate the program into
their individual practices, and they plan to work together to create a
retreat for couples with relationship troubles.
"We also wanted something to help improve our own relationship,"
said
Kelly,
who has been married for six years.
Another couple, Mary and Bob Lavato, divorced 11 years ago after 18 years
of
marriage. She lives in Maine, and he lives in Texas. Mary persuaded Bob
to
come to the course after they met again and started to consider
remarriage.
"We hope the program will help us make the right decision. I want to
be
really sure before we take the plunge. I don't want to make another
mistake," Mary said.
"It's great. It's really opened up the doors of communication for us,"
said
Bob, an educator who wants to take the PAIRS program into schools. "Weíre
seriously thinking about getting remarried and trying to make it work."
The purpose of PAIRS is to provide communication skills for building and
sustaining a healthy, fulfilling relationship. The course, which runs in
Weston about five times a year, was created by Gordon in 1984. It has
since
spread to 26 states and 13 countries, and has graduated over 400
therapists,
as well as thousands of couples, Gordon said.
The training focuses on skills that keep familiarity from breeding
contempt:
mutual praise, degrees of physical affection, fighting fair, criticizing
only with a suggestion for change and sharing dreams.
The PAIRS organization, which focuses on families, is itself a family
affair. Gordon's husband, Rabbi Morris Gordon, is board chairman of the
non-profit PAIRS institute. Her son, Seth Eisenberg, who lives in the
Ridges area of Weston, became CEO on the company's move to South Florida
from Virginia three years ago.
Lori Gordon launched the Family Relations Institute in Falls Church, Va.
in
1969, and developed the program that grew into the preventive PAIRS
project.
She married Morris, her second husband, in 1982. It was his influence
that
helped establish PAIRS and spread its message.
Couples who feel they don't have the loving relationship they long for
shouldn't despair, according to the Gordons.
"A relationship is like a mine field full of potential disasters. PAIRS
gives you a road map so you can navigate your way around the troubles and
survive," Gordon said.
For information on upcoming PAIRS courses, call 1-888-724-7748, ext. 110,
or
visit PAIRS on the Internet at www.pairs.com.
Diane Sollee, Director
Coalition for Marriage, Family and Couples Education, LLC (CMFCE)
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