College program prepares students for marriage

Item from the Smart Marriages Archive, reproduced in the Divorce Statistics Collectio n

January 14, 1999

"Marry U."

College program prepares students to tie the knot

Thursday, January 14, 1999

By Kevin Hoffman The Associated Press

PHILADELPHIA - Some marriages are made in heaven. A Pennsylvania
professor hopes they can be made in the classroom too.

This fall, Allentown College of St. Francis de Sales began offering a
major in Marriage and Family Studies, an accredited program designed to
prepare students for the challenges they may face as spouses and parents,
said Brian Kane, the theology professor who organized the major at the
small Catholic school.

College officials say it's the first Catholic college to offer such a
major. Others have majors with the same name, but they are designed to
create better counselors, not better spouses, Kane said.

"If you look at this generation, they really want to have good
marriages," Kane said. "A lot of them are scared that they won't."

Allentown's emphasis on preparing students to be spouses appears to be
unique, according to Peterson's, a Princeton, N.J.-based education and
career information company.

Students majoring in Marriage and Family Studies learn skills such as
communication, basic finance and budgeting. Course titles range from
Sexual Morality to Addictions and the Family.

So far, the only student to sign up is Nancy Bucci, a former nurse at
Children's Hospital in Pittsburgh and a married mother of three. Bucci,
45, brings 22 years of experience to Kane's Marriage and the Family
class, one of the courses in the Marriage and Family Studies major.

Bucci learned early that many of her young classmates had naive notions
of marriage.

"They believed, 'I'm going to meet my soul mate and be happily ever
after,'" Bucci said. "After 22 years of marriage, I just sat back and
laughed."

She shared anecdotes about her own marriage to help give her classmates
an idea of marriage after the honeymoon. After she graduates, she said,
she hopes to work in a parish to promote family programs and reinforce
the importance of the family unit.

"When I was younger I went into a field where I helped heal the body,"
she said. "I feel this is a natural progression, from healing the body to
healing the soul."

The major examines marriage from various angles - legal, theological,
political, psychological and sociological. It can also be used to
supplement a major in a more traditional field of study, Kane said.

Students who don't want to dedicate four years and $48,000 to studying
marriage can learn a lot just by taking Kane's Marriage and the Family
course, said Megan Punches, another student.

Punches, 20, was unsophisticated before entering the class this fall, but
classmates like Bucci helped her understand that long-term commitments
aren't decade-long fairy tales.

"They said sometimes you're not going to want to be with that person, but
you stick together because you made a commitment," Punches said.
"Sometimes you just close your eyes and hold on. And get through it."

Statistics show many couples don't get through it. The Census Bureau
reports 2.3 million marriages and 1.2 million divorces in 1995.

The largest proportion of divorces are granted to men and women who marry
between the ages of 20 to 24, said a 1989-1990 report on divorce by the
National Center for Health Statistics.

But can a class, or even a major, really lead to a healthier marriage?

Yes, says Dr. Arthur Mones, a coordinator of family and marital training
at St. John's University in New York.

Marriages typically go through three stages: infatuation, disillusion and
acceptance, Mones said. Many couples file for divorce while mired in the
disillusion stage.

Classes in marriage can help teach students that disillusion is normal,
and this knowledge may keep couples together, Mones said.

"Part of the problem is a lot of people don't have the skills to be
married," Kane said.

Although Bucci is the only student signed up for the major, 28 students
took the Marriage and the Family course. Two are married, three are
engaged and a dozen are in serious relationships, said Kane, 35, who is
married himself.

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